You know, if I held down the shift key while typing that headline, it'd be ! OF (...oh wait. I did that last week. Hmm. The well is running dry, friends! Perhaps I should know when to fold 'em in honor of tonight's musical guest. But you know what? I always count my money at the table because I like to know exactly where I stand. So I think I'll ignore the rest of Kenny's advice too. Fully aware that means I can't possibly have a good life, mind you.
Last night, Idol went country. Then the country voted. This and other word play coming up live, on American Idol! Is...that the same suit Ryan wore last night? It couldn't possibly be. I just don't remember.
Could Elliott be any more of an average guy tonight? He's dressed like he's having friends over to watch the game. Because you're booable? I didn't catch Paula say that last night. That's hilarious! I'm serious. I think it might be the funniest thing ever said on Idol. Ha ha! You're booable! I love it.
So here's Kenny Rogers in person, following up last night. I still stand by my white suit comment, but whatever. Kenny gives Simon an opening to apologize before kicking his rump and Simon happily takes it as Kenny starts pushing up his sleeves.
Hearing Kenny sing is nice and all, but I wish he was here to recreate some scenes from Six Pack. Six of the Idol kids could play the six packers, and Kenny could reprise his role as race car driver Brewster Baker. Then magic would be created. FYI, Six Pack was one of the first acting roles for a young Tony Mike Hall.
Here's a pretty simple equation for you. Robin Williams + an RV = Yes, please! But back to Idol, if you don't mind.
Oh man. Now Ryan's bagging on Kellie too? He simply can't pass up an easy mark! I know how it feels. Queen? Wow. Then it's time for results. Ryan explains that he's going to split the nine singers into three different groups, one of which will be the bottom three.
Taylor is the pioneer of Group A and Mandisa is the trailblazer of Group B. Elliott, ever the follower, joins Mandisa. And Paris joins that program. Group B is officially closed to new members, like an exclusive country club. Brett Young then gets to start his own clique, Group C. Yet another trip to the bottom three for Brett? Kellie join Taylor and Chris follows shortly, closing out Group A. Are you still with me here? Then Kathy and Bucky join Brett.
Ryan teases us by asking which group could possibly be the bottom three. Gee, I'm going to go with the group that contains past bottom three offenders, that being Group C. Meanwhile, Group A is allowed to sit down in safety. That group being Taylor, Chris and Kellie, if you don't remember. Man. I'm starting to get lost myself here and I'm watching it! Good luck visualizing all this when you're reading it in two weeks.
After the break, Ryan tells us six very nervous people are standing on stage with him. Um, if three of them have any sense, they're feeling just fine right now. Ryan reads off the negative comments about each person, but I'm still sticking with Group C. And...of course I am wrong once again. I was seriously so confident about that. Picking this season is officially impossible.
So now what? Well, first off, Paris is safe. Ryan asks Simon about this bottom two and Simon says he thinks based on last night, Elliott will stay. One single person gives one single clap and then stops. Then there's silence. The audience has no idea what to do right now.
You know what? Simon was right. Mandisa is done.