So who will join Mandisa, Lisa, Kevin and the others in a rousing rendition of "We Are Not The Champions"? I guess we'll find out. Hour long show tonight. I'm expecting at least three musical performances. Something like...all eight, then girls fronting Queen, then guys fronting Queen while the girls run through the audience.

Seacrest slowly struts out to his mark and the show is officially underway. He's wearing a large diamond tie pin, incidentally. Ryan calls Simon the grumpiest millionaire he's ever met. It's silent for a moment, but Ryan isn't going on until his remark is acknowledged. The audience finally plays along.

After a summary of last night's festivities, we do indeed get a group performance. My predictions are doing a little better this week. Excuse me, has anybody seen Brett's sleeves?! He needs to be onstage in ten seconds and he doesn't have any sleeves! He's going to look ridiculous out there! There now. Don't we all feel a little better about ourselves after that group performance? So peppy!

Just as a heads up, we're still about 45 minutes shy of an actual result. So I have no idea what's coming up next, unless this is a 39 minute commercial break. Now would anybody care for some polite conversation? No? Then what about some taped messages from the parents? Here's a question. Since Chris and his dad apparently share the exact same voice, can they both talk at the same time? Or do they have to take turns? Somebody please look into that for me.

Next week the kids will handle the music of Rod Stewart. Now, will it be only the songbook stuff, or can they go for something from The Faces? We'll figure that out then. Now we have to figure out who's getting the steel-toe boot. Wait. Not just yet. Hold on. No, we are having results. At least for Taylor. Two out of three judges last night liked Taylor, and I'm sure you can figure out the breakdown. So is Taylor safe or not? Come on. Of course he's safe. They're not going to make him stand at center stage for 30 minutes of individual videos and results. See? He's safe.

Kathy McP. All of the judges liked you, but of course not as much as your father does. Anyway, you're safe. Chris. One of these days we're going to talk about that eyeliner of yours. But for now, let's just worry about what the judges have to say. They liked you enough and so did the voters. You're safe.

So who gets to dangle on the hook? Elliott and Brett or Bucky and Paris? That'll have to wait because we're in the middle of a beautiful exchange between Ryan and Kellie about a snot rag. Ryan asks if she's familiar with the phrase "Too much information", and let's just assume she isn't. Anyway, the judges kinda liked her last night and she's safe. Then it's time for a little coffee talk with Elliott's mother. I'd like to have dinner with the Yamins. They seem like good folk. The judges thought the same, but not the voters. Elliott's in the bottom three. You people! Elliott's been crying all night and now you're going to do this to him? And then Ryan is going to ask him to sing when he's been bawling? Poor, poor Elliott. Simon looks like he's having a really great time here. You usually don't see such miserable people on the TV until the local news starts.

We're running out of time and contestants. Oh, that's nice. They let Elliott sit down to await the final verdict. He could've gotten tired over there. Brett Young, this is your life. Last night, the judges weren't crazy about your performance. Tonight, they probably don't like you wearing Prince's belt. So get on over to the bottom three staging area, please. Hey, you big disgrace. Will you stop kicking your can all over the place?

So it's Bucky and Paris left dangling on the hook for the final spot in the Undesirable Triumvirate. It's just like the Impregnable Quadrilateral, except not at all as impressive. Bucky, the judges were split on you. Paris, same story. But only Bucky and his denim longhorn shirt are in the bottom three. It's a real swordfight in tonight's bottom three.

Here's something funny. We had sixty minutes to play with tonight and now we're taking it down to the wire. Ryan might spit out who's going home the second Bucky wraps up his performance. So it's Bucky, Elliott and Brett. Simon is picking Brett to depart. Elliott is picking at a hangnail. Who's leaving? Bucky Covington.

Bucky had a bad day. Unlike, say, the singer of that song, which is now the number one download. That's a quite good day, in fact.