I'll admit that tonight is probably the first night that we could be genuinely shocked by who goes home. It's all pretty close and exciting if you're into this kind of thing. Will it change my life at all? Not really. But then again, I'm a jerk who doesn't know what love is. Onward!
Just imagine beating 100,000 people. Then getting this close. Then getting sent home. Just imagine how incredibly soul crushing that could be. Are you imagining it yet? Okay, let's start the show!
The show pony comes out to kick the show off and asks the audience who they voted for! "Bacvonaonrnbtrzioienelylblahnnnn!" Okay. That is Bo's, Carrie's, Vonzell's and Anthony's names all mashed into one and it looks exactly how the audience sounded right there. After a quick summary of last night, it's time for some Rogers/Parton power. Islands in the stream! That is what we are!
Look at that amazing chemistry between Anthony and Carrie! It's like they actually know each other! Kapow! A new Rogers and Parton for the 21st century? Only if Anthony bets big and gets comped big, like The Gambler does at Barona.
Ooh. I just missed something good in the audience. That's what I get for looking away from Idol for even ONE second. Then Ryan takes us back to the original audition of these fine four. First, let's look at...aw. Vonzie? Again with this? At least we'll only have to hear it for, at most, two more weeks.
Before taking us into the break, Ryan promises us a very, very special surprise. I'm sitting in the office as he said that, so I know it's not me. It must be someone people actually want to see on the show. Maybe...James Caan. We come back and we're treated to Carrie's audition. Which Carrie herself seems to hate. There's something she doesn't like right now, that's for sure. After that, Ryan uses some of his trademark wit on Simon, trying very hard to pin him into a corner. But Simon is very elusive!
After the audition madness is over, Ryan tells us that those left standing will be whisked home by private jet tomorrow for a media blitz. Now, will that be three private jets or one private jet making three stops like a rideshare van from the airport? Because if so, I'm really hoping I'm the first stop. Whoever's last might not get home until Saturday. Although I would imagine on a private jet you're served all the strawberries you can handle, so maybe it's not all bad.
Time for the results! No talk of private jets, first auditions, islands in the stream, this or that. Pure results! Bo Bice, sit down. Carrie, sit down. Evidently the good news took her by surprise. In fact, it was such a surprise, she forgot how to run. Arms everywhere! Anthony. Vonzell. But more accurately, just Vonzell. Anthony's going home. Now if you people want to hear bland pop ballads, you'll have to tune in to the adult contemporary radio station in your hometown. It's usually between 93.1 and 101.9 on your FM dial.
In parting, Anthony belts out "If you don't know me by now, you will never, never, never know me." You know, he makes a great point there.