Like most Americans, I want results and I want them now! And, like most Americans, I'm going to have to wait 28 more minutes for them. Whatever, man! It's Wednesday night. I'm possibly getting back into my dark suit/light suit pattern. Although you'll have to wait a few more weeks to be sure. I'm such a tease!
Man, I haven't seen Ryan that happy in a long time. Look at him! He's positively glowing! Maybe a gray suit just makes him that much more confident. And let me say this, being serious for a moment. That's a great suit. I wish I had it. Really. Okay, back to being a know-it-all jerk.
Time for another group performance for charity. You know, "Everything is Beautiful" is just the pick-me-up you want to hear when you need charity. Hip hop hooray! Ho! Hey! Mmm, maybe the audience is waving their arms to "Everything is Beautiful" and not all singing "Hip Hop Hooray" in their heads. I mean, that's possible that many people are thinking of the same song at once, but unlikely. At the end of the tune, the Idols all raise a fist in solidarity with John Carlos and Tommy Smith. We will persevere! For charity!
We come back from break Is Avenue Q coming to Los Angeles?. Okay, clear your beans! It's time for results!
Nikko, by the power of Albert Pujols, you're safe. Connie, you and your chin dimple aren't going anywhere. Carrie, Miss Oklahoma, you're fine. Bo Bice, keep on rocking in the free world. Nadia, you're in the bottom three. But you're still fine in my book. Jessica, you're over there with Nadia. Maybemaybe hug or something? Please don't say Scotty the Body. Please don'tah, good. Scott is safe, despite Ryan's shock. Thanks for the confidence boost! Anwar, Vonzell, Anthony, in a couple of minutes, America will only look up to two of you.
Ryan points out that for the second week in a row, Anwar, Vonzell and Anthony are fighting for that last spot. Or, rather, to avoid that last spot. Mmm, next week, let's try to keep them separated. If they position them like that again, Anthony should pay somebody in the top row to switch places. And it'sAnwar. Too bad the couches aren't brown like his clothes. He would've been perfectly camouflaged and Ryan wouldn't have called him up there.
Nadia, get your cute little self back to those couches! Jessica. Anwar. If Anwar gets cut, maybe he'll offer Jessica singing lessons so she can avoid the ax next week. He is a music teacher, after all. Speaking of which, how does he explain to his class that he didn't win. "But Mr. Robinson, I thought you said we could do anything we put our minds to." "Um, right, I did say that, Josh. But, you know, the real world is a tough place. I guess you'll have to find that out some time." "Waaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"
Anwar, Ryan and Jessica stand in front of WHOPR computer display. Those red blinking lights could trigger World War III. "Your move, Dr. Falken." Please, Matthew Broderick, you must win Tic-Tac-Toe! The world is depending on you! And it's also Jessica's move. Move home. JESSicaaaaaaa! We don't want you to go. Jessica optimistically tells us that for every person that doesn't like you, 100 others do. I feel safe in saying that my ratio is exactly the inverse. At least I'm keeping the universe balanced.
So that's that. That partial black dye job was all for naught. At least she'll take home tangible proof that she was on Idol, I guess.