Now it gets really serious. Just look at how dark that stage is. How can you possibly doubt the seriousness of such a dimly lit area? You cannot, good sir! You know the competition is tight now since all of the contestants can fit on one couch. Sure, it's one extra long super couch, but still.

Hey, here's a wild coincidence. The entire cast of Stacked is in the audience and sitting together! Wild! Man, Christopher Lloyd must be sitting under an air conditioning vent or something. Somebody pomade that hair down. Then the Idols take on the Bee Gees. If this was a high school choir class, the teacher possibly Anwar would be very angry right now. If we're not going to do this right, class, we won't do it at all!

Seacrest advises us all to take control of our emotions, and I do. I bring myself back from incredibly frustrated to simply nonchalant. Clay Aiken! And he just got back from the gym! Hot! You know what else is hot? Results!

Ryan sends Vonzell to the far side of the stage. Carrie is sent to the near side of the stage, a much easier trip. Bo Bice minus hippie poncho is sent to Carrie's side of the stage. Then Anthony is sent to Stage Vonzell. Then Scott and Constantine are sent to purgatory. From which there is no escape! Actually, Seacrest tells the boys to pick which group they think they belong in. Will they pull the classy move now known as the Bo Bice and stand in the center in a show of solidarity. No, they will not. Both boys join Carrie and Bo Bice, symbolically backhanding Anthony and Vonzell with only a short walk. Seacrest grabs Constantine by the nape of the neck and drags him over to Stage Vonzell.

Judges, what do you think? Randy is shocked. Simon says he would've sent Scott home if it was his choice, but if Scott gets the votes, he deserves to be there. So who's going home? Constantine. Costas. Connie. People who wear sunglasses indoors are shocked! Oh, Connie. He may never shave again! What's the point?

Let this serve as a lesson to America! If you sing Nickelback, you deserve what you get! So, rock and roll hoochie coo. Constantine, no more for you. Wow, was that lame. Even lamer thanSeacrest, out? Yes. By a factor of six.