It's Tuesday, April 19th. On Wednesday, April 20th, I'll receive a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. On Thursday, April 21st, you'll already have heard every possible joke about said star! On with the show!
The barn doors open and here comes the newest sidewalk legend. Then he calls Savol "Scotty the Body" once again. I thought we were past that after we all cringed the first time we heard it, but no, it's apparently here to stay.
Seacrest explains to the hopefuls that tonight isn't disco night, merely '70s dance classics night. Most '70s dance songs being disco, of course. Loving Broadway more than most, Constantine is going to sing "Nights on Broadway," perhaps the only disco song you've never heard of. But how about that white jacket? Wait, wait, wait. Is he...is he...is he wearing eyeliner? Oh my, he's wearing eyeliner. Um...that is not very disco. Or understandable. Um...um...okay. Maybe he's getting back to his metal roots. Is Constantine related to Deborah Harry? Wow! Randy still isn't feeling Constantine's realness. Paula loved it, but Simon wants to know where his stuffed mushrooms appetizer is. He ordered it like 25 minutes ago! Maybe if Constantine was waiting tables, he'd have it by now! Look, Simon said it, not me. Although, I do love stuffed mushrooms.
We're back, and Ryan amuses us all with a joke about pants that catch on fire. Carrie is up next, trapped in a sea of sparkly disco lights. And how about that big disco hair?! After a huge opening note that she is only able to squeeze out after scrunching her eyebrows, Carrie begins to disco it up. For the first time in her life. Remember when Apu covered this tune during the "Lisa the Vegetarian" episode of The Simpsons? Well, this is the disco version. And the judges loved it! Seacrest asks Carrie about MacArthur Park's lyrics.
So here's Scott. I wonder where they shoot the disco dance intros. Is it a roller rink on off days? Do they even have roller rinks in LA? And then the song is over. So...there's Scott. Um...I got nothing. Randy sure said dude a lot right there. He must've really liked it. Paula liked it. Out in the audience, a sign dubs Scott "White Velvet." Have you ever tried White Velvet Cake? It's delicious. Simon, by the way, said something or other. The bottom line is, impressed he is not. I wonder when Scott is going to shave a sideways Mohawk on his head and just sport a ring of hair all the way around his dome.
After a break, Seacrest stops by Alex Trebek and two hosting legends go toe to toe. Throw in Chuck Woolery and Wink Martindale and let's declare a world champion once and for all! Anyway, Anthony is singing now. That sure is a disco shirt. Check that off the list of points to hit tonight. You know, I don't have much to say about this performance either. I don't know what it is, but it seems like disco is the perfect theme for this bunch of contestants.Randy and Paula liked it and Simon didn't actively hate it, so that's pretty good.
Now we have Vonzell, who I believe is doing her second Chaka Khan song of the season. I know somebody else did some Chaka. I should start paying more attention. Chaka, Pat Benatar, Vonzell, Nikki McKibbin, I'm all mixed up this season. Paula, who's been dancing all night, is doing so much dancing right now that she had to get out of her chair. Perhaps she considers this the best performance of the night. Or she truly considers herself to be every woman. Either way, I'm intrigued. Man, Vonzell made some fun eyes on that last note. That was worth waiting for. Randy loved, loved, loved it. The whole song, not just the eyes thing. Paula declares it the best performance of the night, giving us an answer to leaving her chair behind. Simon thinks Vonzell walked the line, but he liked it overall. At least that's what I took away from his comments.
Anwar, wearing a fine reggae hat, discusses his disco choice. Whereas Scott hates disco clothes, Anwar loves 'em. Wait. Where's his reggae hat? Oh, that's just a casual number? It's not good enough for live TV? Puh! Bah-ee-ah! September! Some chest from Anwar this week, but nothing like last week. I guess this is modesty. Randy kinda liked it, Paula loved it and Simon thought he was at Mamma Mia.
Last up tonight is Disco Bo Bice. Or Disco Bo. Or Discbo. Or Disbo. You choose, they're all hilarious!. Of course, this song is less disco and more Southern fried Bo Bice, so let's not worry about any dance moves. The real question is, how long until Bo Bice decides to tie a long, pink scarf to the mic stand for his performances? Also, how long until Bo Bice is in Kings of Leon? Bo Bice is back, America, if you listen to Randy Jackson. Paula loved it. And Simon was happy somebody finally gave him something he wanted to listen to.
So...that's another show. Almost done now.