Tonight, we have a very special show so we can get to know the five remaining finalists. We'll get to know the person behind the voice, so now we won't be voting on odd criteria like who has the reddest hair, or who seems like they have the best table manners.
The multiple-microphoned Seacrest comes out sporting a baby blue blazer in tribute to Bert Convey, the original host of The Match Game. And look at that PermaWhite smile! Seacrest! In! Wait, he's not doing that yet. Maybe if he gets a late night show. Imagine Seacrest going toe to toe with Carson Daly at 1:30am to be the most celeb friendly. Good gosh!
Hey, remember everything we went through to get to this point? No? Well, work on your memory then. It was only four months ago. Try flash cards or something. Anyway, here's a rehash for all you forgetful types. There's Leah LaBelle! There's Matt Rogers! There's Amy Adams! Ah, so many pleasant and jumbled memories.
So we've seen them on TV for the past however many weeks, and we've read numerous interviews and looked at many pictures. And we've filled in the rest of the blanks with various thoughts and dreams. But how well do we REALLY know them? Find out.after the break!
First up tonight is Fantasia Barefootino. I HATE SHOOOOOES! Those are the words of somebody who's never stepped on a piece of broken glass. In her interview, it comes out that Fantasia's girl is named Zion. Worked for Lauryn Hill, I suppose. Fantasia's advice to young mothers? Keep working hard and you can do it. Assuming you can sing really well, of course. Wrapping things up, Ryan asks Fantasia to show off her dance that she did that one time. Overtaken by dance fever, Ryan then starts pretending that he's riding a horse. That's um.um.it's uh..well, it's hard to pick just one adjective with so many flying around my head right now.
George Huff comes out rocking the '70s-style vinyl jacket and Huggy Bear throws out props. Say, George, is it true that you weren't in the original group of 32 finalists? Why yes, Ryan, that is true, and here's what happened. Here's the even shorter version. Somebody left, they called George, he came back, now he's here like it's 1974. Then Ryan goads George into saying "Oh Lord!" again, and I can't decide who I feel worse for. Then we get some more convo, one more "Oh Lord!" and then George jumps into the audience for his performance of "Take Me To The Pilot/Parlor/Partner/Pop Pop" And look at all of that Huff Bounce! Bounce bitty bounce bounce! Hey! There's JPL! Shouldn't he be back at work or something? The song ends and we're sent into the break with, "Seacrest! Back in a few!" So.apparently you CAN do it more than one way. What versatility! Sure, you'll sound ridiculous however you do it, but at least you can switch it up.
We're now halfway home. I think that refers to both Idol 3 and this particular special. But I'm still going strong! I'll never run out of great material! Hey, look at Seacrest's shoes! Yeah! Anyway, Jasmine comes out and.let me say that this new hairstyle and makeup is top notch. Just top notch. So Jasmine, now it's time for the really probing interview. "What does Hawaii think of you being in the finals?" "Oh. Wow. Tough one. Um, they like it." "Uh huh. What kind of things are they saying to you?" "You know, 'Go Jasmine,' 'We're pulling for you,' stuff like that.'" Wow! Later in the interview we learn that Jasmine has ditched the island flower even though she said she never would, her dad is strict and that to become the next American Idol you need to be true to yourself. All terrific stuff. Although I'm as true to myself as anybody and I'm on a slow boat to nowhere, so who knows? Then Jasmine sings. "More Idol chat! After the break!" Now see, I don't know who said that. It could've been anybody from Seacrest to Randy to Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndorff. It just doesn't have that zing of a signature statement. Customize, baby!
Welcome back to the Bonus Show! A free show, just for you. It's like buying shampoo and finding out you're getting 16 ounces instead of the normal 12. Why, that's 33% more! Oh, by the way, here's Diana DeGarmo. Diana helpfully explains that she has so much poise because she's been doing this her whole life. I've been a jerk my whole life, so that's how I manage to crank out two recaps each week despite the pressure of knowing 112 people will be reading them. After a later question, Ryan makes fun of the show's hairdresser. I wouldn't be surprised to see Seacrest come out for tomorrow's show sporting the Moe Howard. Then Ryan asks Diana about her plans for prom this year. If she goes, I wonder if they'll ask Diana to sing. "But I need to dance! My date is over there!" "C'mon, Diana! You were on TV! You owe us!" Of course, Diana admits that she'd rather be on TV than go to some dumb prom, which is understandable enough. I went to my prom, broke up with the girl two weeks later and now I'll never see her again. She probably has kids and an SUV. Looking back, if I had the backup option of winning a competition, well, money buys a lot of rigatoni and chicken cordon bleu. Diana also takes to the audience for her song and displays an amazing knack for sniffing out the hot chicks in the crowd. Right past her boyfriend and into the group of really hot girls. Nice move. Although maybe she caught her boyfriend making eyes at that group of girls and is letting them all know how it is through song. "You'd better think! (About staying away from my man.)"
Lastly tonight, we have La Toya London who is married with stepchildren. You know, La Toya seems like she's first class all the way. Dignified. Refined. Classy. The opposite of me. La Toya misses her family, which is the same thing they say on "Survivor." Except I think she actually means it. And, uh.I guess that's all I have to say about La Toya.
So there you have it! Now you know each of the five finalists, practically intimately. Go forth and vote!