Why do we even bother with the titles? Do they add anything? Is it because we're blindly devoted to tradition? Is it because we need to fill the space? Are we using the royal "we" here? And isn't this recap supposed to be about the show, not our musings?

The fourth group performed last night. Tonight, two of them will be very happy. An unknown number might be kinda happy if they find out afterwards they made the Wild Card show. Me? I'm always happy.

And now! Live from Hollywood! It's American Idol...the recap. Okay, now go stand out there in the dark and try not to squint when we shine a light on you. And don't seem too nervous. Or excited. Got it? Good. Now get out there!

Whooooooo! It's starting! Whoooooo! It's a serious results night, so Seacrest put on a jacket. Or maybe he has a fancy dinner planned later tonight. We'll also be finding out the wild card contestants tonight, something that Ryan might go the distance and put a tie on for.

And now...it's group four! Then we recap last night, which, you know, covers everything that happened last night. Not with panache, but still. Then Seacrest says, "But all good things must come to an end." At the close of the piece, Tiara says she's going to let America decide how she did. Which I'm sure you all did.

Judges? Pick 6. Two, really, but that doesn't rhyme. Randy says Jasmine and George. Reluctantly. Paula loves Jasmine and...eh...let's go with George. Why not? Simon picks Jasmine and Big Red. Okay, time for results. Results time. Here we go with the results. And...results! Right. Here. John Preator, you're dressed like it's school photo day right now. Also, the judges weren't crazy about you. You're out. Lisa Wilson, you were highlighted in the "must come to an end" section of the video recap. So, you know, now it's official. George, the judges like you. And so does America! You're in the top three. Kimberley Cald...I mean, Heather. Thanks, but no thanks. Tiara. You said it was up to America to decide how you did. And they did. You didn't do well enough. Jasmine. All three judges picked you. They haven't been wrong yet. And they're still not. Aloha means top three! Susie. Two of the judges liked you. Big Red. The judges didn't seem to like you at all. To punish you, here's a very tight shot of your flaming red bean. And now we'll take a break.

Hey, welcome back to American Idol. John or Susie? Why, it's John Stevens! In the lounge, his parents celebrate. Judges, pick two of these three. Randy says John and Jasmine. Paula says Jasmine and John. Simon says he doesn't have to remind us how smart he is. And Jaded says he's ready for his new gig as a court stenographer.

Anyway, the first one in is...John Stevens. So John sings to celebrate. Who will be joining John and all the rest of the super splendid people we love so much? Jasmine Trias. Jasmine? Hello? Oh, there's her reaction. A little time bomb action. So that was fun. But what about the wild cards? Wild cards! Wild cards! Wild cars! I mean, cards! Well, three of them are here right now. And with six of you sitting there, you have decent odds. Of both staying and leaving.

So, like we said, wild cards? Here they are. A whole bunch of names and smiling faces go by. But three are left to tab. And there they are over there. Judges, you can each have one. Just one, don't be greedy. Randy gets right down to business and picks Susie. Paula picks George. I can't imagine Simon is picking Lisa. And Tiara is definitely not Lisa. So...um...there you have it.