Well, last night had a whole lotta singing. Tonight will have a whole lotta sitting and just a little bit of resulting at the end. In between, you'll be regaled with dozens of incredible witticisms, asides and observations. Formulaic? Get outta here! I'm fresh, baby!
A dramatic voice rains down from overhead. The kids stand in the dark. They seem awfully smiley for nervous kids standing the dark. Matt decided to go the Rerun route tonight. Rock on, brother! Leah trumps that with fishnet sleeves. Fantasia one-upped her with a single sleeve that laced up. And JPL is now having his hair done professionally, which would make everybody look good.
Ryan, wearing a velvet suit, comes out with good news about the insane hugeness of Idol. Most watched FOX Tuesday ever! 18 million votes! Over 134 visits to the Recap Page! Good golly almighty! Introducing the judges, Ryan takes Simon's joke from last night about Matt and Ryan loving to be on TV and turns it right back on Simon, subbing "Simon" for "Ryan." Then Ryan grins mightily at his jibe. Nice.
After a recap of last night's shenanigans, Seacrest swings by his miniature golf scorecard podium from last year and chats up the kids. Randy, what does John Stevens need to do? Randy says he needs to get better. John Stevens takes this in stride. Or maybe it burns him up.
Then we see the first video from this year. "Fame." Um...yes. Jennifer works very hard. She was in that office from 8:15 all the way around to 7:30. That's a full day at the office like I might put in. On a DVD commentary note, I really hope Matt nailed that smudge the black toner move in one take, because that's not really not the thing you want to have to do over and over. And what's the symbolism on JPL in a banana?
Back from a break, and Ryan is standing in the audience. Next to a guy holding a sign about Simon. With a little heart over the I. Nice sign for a middle aged man to have. Anyway, it's time for the kids to shake their tailfeathers. John Stevens is surprisingly rhythmic. Let it go, Danny! It was 25 years ago! Then Camile ends the medley with a sassy karate kick.
We're back again and Seacrest spends some time chatting with Jason Bateman. If I can be serious for a moment, and I'm not so certain myself, Arrested Development is the best comedy on TV right now. And if that shameless plug earns me a guest spot on the show one day, well, so be it. Oh, by the way, while I've been talking, Clay has been singing. I thought maybe he was going to sing in French since he came out in a turtleneck, but no. Although I think solitaire is a French word.
So, we had a bunch of fun, yeah, but now it's time to get serious. The three least popular kids will be pulled aside and made to feel shame. It's like high school all over again! Go eat over there. So here we go! Diana, you're fine. La Toya - yes, it's now La Toya, like La Jolla - you're fine. By the way, La Toya in Spanish means "The toya." And yes, I just invented that joke. JPL, you're fine. And nice hair, by the way. Leah, come over here, young lady. John Stevens, you're fine. Fantasia, you're just fine. And she bounces to celebrate. George Huff, celebrate! Matt - you're fine. You don't need to smash anything. Jasmine, you're fine. Amy Adams, come on down. Camile. Jennifer. Sit tight, gals. Seacrest! Break!
Seacrest! Back! Jennifer, come on down. It's Ladies' Night on American Idol! Judges? Surprised? Sorta. Jennifer, maybe. Simon seems pretty sure of himself though. Well, let's perk things up by sending somebody over the safe room. Amy, run free and wild! So it's down to Leah and Jennifer. Ryan lets them sing one last time, which, you know, is kind of a tease to whoever's going home. Sorta like an un-victory lap.
Well, that was nice. Now let's be not so nice. But not until after the break, as Leah sardonically points out. She's got spunk! But not staying power. See ya later. Well, not really later. Anyway, see ya. Seacrest. Out.