Well, last night eight people got a second chance, four people were teased with a second chance but were instead forced to sit in the front row and watch the others get their second chances, and I had meatloaf for dinner. Not at a bad night at all. Or, as Barry Melrose might say, a tall. Let's get some OH-fense in this organ-I-zation!
But enough about me and you and Barry and everybody else. We want results! "Last night, eight people gave the performances of their lives. In four cases, perhaps the last performances of their lives. Tonight, they're standing in the dark while we talk about them. Find out who goes home tonight." Well, tomorrow, really, is when they go home. But we'll find out tonight, true enough!
Ryan comes out and sticks the needle even deeper, pointing out that not getting picked tonight will hurt really, really, really, really bad. Ryan intros the judges and we see that Simon chose a shirt tonight featuring both stripes and dots. Bold, yet sensible! On another note, I really dig that jacket Ryan is wearing right now. I think I'm going to become a jacket guy. Then we meet the kids – for the third time – and they all seem about the same. Sorta cheery, sorta nervous, sorta everything.
Seacrest spends some time chatting with the eight maybes because, you know, we have a full sixty minutes to spend together tonight. Myself, I keep admiring that jacket. If only I wasn't much taller and much more ripped I'd try to call in some favors and get that puppy as a hand me down. On another note, if I become much more obsessed with Seacrest, I'm going to end up spending my weekday afternoons on the corner of Hollywood and Highland hoping to catch a glimpse of Ryan interviewing Wilmer Valderrama.
Hey, you know what? Let's remind the kids why they're doing this in the first place. Here's Mt. Saint Smooth himself, Ruben Studdard. Ruben, through song, apologizes for 2004. It's pretty early in the year to apologize for the whole thing. Maybe he knows something we don't. Ryan asks Ruben what the best part of his new life is. I would imagine it's the ability to see the future, but Ruben modestly says he's just happy to have a job these days.
Kids, any questions for Ruben? Yes. And then Ruben provides the answers. You really had to be there. Speaking of being there, who will...be...there...tonight? There being in one of the top four spots. Segue! George Huff, people like you. Leah LaBelle, judges don't like you. Elizabeth, I like you. The judges are noncommittal. Jennifer Hudson, the judges all liked you and made fun of your clothes. JPL, there in your leather jacket, the judges were split on you. The judges might not miss you that much after tonight, though. Matt Metzger, you got the same ehs from the judges that most everybody else got. Suzy, the judges, they said all sorts of stuff about you. Anyway, when we come back, we'll get...THE RANDY PICK! Randy takes a cool sip of water to prepare.
So if I had to guess, I would say that Randy will pick...well, I dunno. I really don't have any experience in this field. So I suppose I'll just sit and wait for Randy's rendering of the verdict. Randy eventually picks Jennifer Hudson, which I actually saw coming. So maybe I do know something. Good for me! Jennifer sings to celebrate, which is an appropriate reaction for this show.
Paula, now you pick someone. No, not me, darlin', although we do have something special going on. So she picks Leah. Insert interesting comment here. Ryan asks Leah if she has anything to say to Paula Thank you. Leah then follows in Jennifer's footsteps and sings.
After the break, Simon will make a pick that he will certainly consider to be genius. Although Carmen didn't come close to winning last year, so there you have it. Simon picks George, the nicest guy in the world. Some would call that an incredibly ironic pick. Some. George, apparently, would call it an incredibly surprising pick because he might pass out. Then George briefly collects himself and sings. And everybody does the squat dance along with George. Doin' the squat! Sexy! Sexy!
So the judges made their picks. But who did you pick? Who?! Tell me! But before Ryan can do so, he trots out the other eight finalists A little chit chat with the finalists – surprisingly, they like being in the finals – and then we find out that the voting public really likes...JPL! My man!