So did you all have fun last week? Judging from the torrent of tears, emails, phone calls and various articles in various publications, the answer is.I don't know. So.are you ready to have fun this week? Cause this week should be great! It features Gloria Estefan, who sang.. I guess each kid is going to performthe song we all know, the rhythm is going to totally get them
Now, let's all pay extra attention this week so Mr. Seacrest won't have to lecture us again. We have a lot to cover this semester, and if we're going to spend all of time goofing off, he won't be very happy. Okay, the show's starting. Everybody get in their desk, facing front. Mr. Seacrest will be here soon and his Tuesday dark suit will let you know he means business.
A snap start and Ryan is in the crowd, where he feels so welcome. So at home. So cozy. And so.in a light suit! They're mixing it up on me again! My one standard, not that witty weekly observation is now done. It's gone the way of cassette tapes and my La (space) Toya reference. And let me tell you, I'm really thrilled to have to keep coming up with new material each week.
So Seacrest comes out and immediately tells America to stop with the calls and emails already. Yeah, really, let me in on that too. Then he says "Wayne Doody" of Idaho told him to cram his mic stand you know where. Get it? Doody? You know where? Idol's keepin' it fresh, baby boy! Ryan then promises us a terrific night because, as mentioned earlier, Gloria Estefan is here. Gloria nervously tiptoes out like somebody walking into a surprise birthday party. "Oh! This is all for me? You guys!" Then we see footage of the kids rehearsing with Gloria and the mere thought of John doing the conga is enough to keep me energized tonight.
Hey, it's the Miami Sound Machine! Ryan then turns his attention to the kids backstage. Was it tough this week? Yes. Are you nervous? Yes. Okay! Great!
Finally starting off the singing, Fantasia dances out and quickly dedicates her song to Jennifer. I figure she means Hudson, since Fantasia apparently arranged for a Jennifer look alike to stand next to her at the beginning of the song. This song is so mo ritmo! I feel like I'm having a drink in at some casino lounge in Vegas. Pretty soon, some 40-something husband in a tweed sportcoat is going to start dancing with his wife right in front of the stage. And that will be great. Fantasia closes out her song with a re-dedication to Jennifer - all right, we got it! - and then a little Cubano shimmy shimmy. Randy, of course, wasn't fooled by either the histrionics or the much love for Jennifer. The women stand up for Fantasia, but Simon - boooooooooo! - thinks Fantasia was like a cartoon character. Like...Bubbles from the Powerpuff Girls? He's keepin' it real!
Next up is George Huff. If the Latin rhythm doesn't lead directly to the Huff bounce, we may never see it again George comes out and he is really putting his eyes into this performance. He looks like the fisherman in Caddyshack right before Al Czervik plowed his yacht through the guy's boat. On the plus side, George wore a Members Only jacket tonight to take his performance all the way back to the '80s. The song ends and Randy says a whole bunch of stuff. George thanks him, so I guess it was mostly good stuff. Gloria compliments George, then tickles Paula. Simon compliments the Sound Machine, then crushes George. I'm surprised neither comment got a bass riff. Bwehrrrrrrrrerrrr! Simon, feeling red hot, then busts on Seacrest, calling him a glorified Wink Martindale. Or something similar.
We're back, and Ryan gleefully points out that the rhythm has completely gotten Simon and Paula. Whee! And I'm sorry, but it's the only Estefan song I know, so it's the only reference you're getting tonight. Oh, and here's La Toya with the song itself. The Lady in Red, she's like a pro at this point. Although her bracelet is back tonight, and every celebrity knows you can never wear the same thing twice. On another note, I can't figure out what that broken plaid background has to do with rhythm, Cuba, La Toya or really anything else. Perhaps the rhythm has gotten to it! Like I said, only reference. The song ends and Randy seriously is not digging samba night. Hard to believe. Gloria liked a third straight performance. Also hard to believe. Simon tells La Toya.something. The crux of it is that she could've been boring, but wasn't.
Before the break, the kids spend a day working at Subway, perhaps as practice in case they get cut this week. Man, all that did was put me in the mood for a sandwich
Welcome back to the American Idol studio! I'm Ryan Seacrest and I'm wearing three microphones! In his pre-song piece, John energetically claims that he's dedicating this love song to his grandma. . So John comes out and immediately slows things down for all the lovers in the house. Although I must admit, this might be the most dancing John has done all season. Slight knee bounce! Arm half swing! Head turn! The Sound Machine is making this kid come alive!. Randy wants to start things off with a good note first. John, you have nice shoes Paula applauds John's valiant effort, which seems like something you tell someone after they tried to jump ten busses on their dirtbike and crashed. Simon says John was not so good tonight.
We come back from the break and Mr. Seacrest instructs Simon to sit up straight. Then he separates Simon and Paula. I told you this was a serious show. It's like they're reading the recap as I type it! My influence over this show is tremendous! Now Jasmine is up, and she's looking extra adorable tonight. Knowing that shants are popular with the Idol crowd, Jasmine is flashing a lot of shin during her song. Hot in the '20s. Just like hip flowers. Hey! Cracked note. Look out, everybody. You know, looking her over a little more, it's possible that Jasmine has, say, overaccesorized a tad. Flower, belly chain, four bracelets, knotted pants legs, just about everybody appendage has something on it. Knights can dress faster than Jasmine did tonight. The judges sorta liked Jasmine. Simon calls it pleasant, but he means that as an insult. Like, you know, how bad means good for the kids these days. Paula, fighting back, says Jasmine is more than pleasant. Very nice, perhaps. Enjoyable, even. Ear delicious? Ehhhhh..
Diana is in the anchor position tonight and she's bringing a little Boogie Nights flavor to Latin flavor night. It's very flavorful performance! Salty and sweet all at once. Now, is it just me, or when Diana sways in that dress, does it make you realize that your car needs to be washed? It's a big night for red dresses tonight. Even red dresses that ran out of dye around the ankles. Diana bops over to the official Sound Machine guitar player, who is really going wild despite the fact that we can't hear any guitar in the song. Overwhelmed by the rhythm - last time, I promise - Diana lets out a wild trill like a frat guy just arriving in Tijuana. As far as the judges, Randy finally found something he liked. Gloria absolutely looooooooved it. As a judge, she's not quite as harsh as Judy Sheindlin. Paula and Simon liked it too. Aww.
So there's your show for tonight. Que bueno! Muchas bonitas! But before we go, you know what would be way cooler than just a plain old "Seacrest! Out!" close? A pre-arranged, group performance version involving the kids. "I say Seacrest, you say out! Seacrest!" "Out!" "Seacrest!" "Out!" Too bad we'll never be treated to such an awesome treat. Oh wait. There it is.