The fireworks came a night early this summer, and an awful metaphor came in the first sentence of the Recap. Great work, everybody!
Two things jump out at me right away tonight. First, Seacrest is wearing a very plain red ribbed sweater. He's ruined our game! The "What the hell is he wearing?" game has been ended! Tonight's answer: a red shirt. Boooo! Second, it seems that the Idol set has undergone a little facelift. It looks a little flashier and makes me wonder if they got a great deal on leftover set props from "Millionaire" after it got 86'ed.
Of course, after last night, what else can we open tonight's show with other than talking to the judges? The hosts ask Simon if he wants a chance to back away from the fire of his comments. Not surprisingly, he doesn't. He pushes on, saying how upset he is that two poor efforts made the finals, thus robbing some real talent of a shot. Randy starts barking at him again, telling him to "keep it up". If these two don't calm down soon, we'll have to put Paula in one of those metal cages divers use to study sharks to protect her.
Dunk asks RJ how he felt standing up there watching Simon and Randy dicker. RJ says he was "shocked and confused." He was also "a little confused and shocked. And, you know, I was a little confused and shocked and confused." RJ's a nice kid and all, but he'd get cut from the school's debate squad pretty quickly.
Next, Dinner Function is asked if she thinks she made the right choice in skipping the Miss Texas pageant to appear on American Idol. She quickly points out to Simon that they're not "beauty pageants", they're "scholarship opportunities". So I'm guessing that in Texas, the girls in these pageants don't wear evening gowns and have to provide a written essay. After her witty retort, she shoots Simon her now standard, "God, I'm so much better than you" face.
Enough of the bad mojo, though. Let's talk about a success story. Mainly, Christina Christian and her high levels of cuteness. I bring her up, because she was the first finalist of the night. No surprise there. Simon fawns over Christina, calling her a true star and absolutely worthy of the chair she's in. I'll have to get a memo over to Simon informing him that I've called dibs on Christina.
Right on to the second winner of the night. It's...Nikki McKibbin! The bottom of Nikki's hair has been magically transformed from black to blond. I like Nikki. I think she's a lot of fun. She strikes me as slightly dangerous, though. Like, if you broke up with her, a brick might somehow fall through your car windshield within the next week. If I brought Nikki home to meet the parents, I think my mom would be upset and more than a little frightened. And, you know, sometimes those are good qualities in a girl. Simon praises Nikki as well. Another true star. She's stuck to her own style throughout, and doesn't try to copy anyone. Somebody get Simon a photo of Pink.
Oops, wait. Now I got something about Seacrest's clothing. His shirt is kinda tight, and it must be chilly in the studio, because his man-nipples are starting to shout at me. "Hey! Look at us! We're freezing!" Yipes. Tape those bad boys down next week, Ryan.
And now, before we announce our last finalist of the night, let's bring out the other winners! Tamyra! Ryan! Jim! Justin! Ah, you see where this is going. Shocker of the night: Ryan Starr isn't wearing much and looks hot. Second shocker of the night: Jim still has that chip on his shoulder. We find out that a couple somewhere out there in television land has named their new baby after Tamyra. At first, I think maybe they named it Puff Hair, but it turns out they just went with Tamyra.
Let's have the third winner of the night, please. EJay Day! Yeah, capital E-, capital J- ay Day. Don't ask me. But good for him. In the span of two days, he's gone from out of the competition to the final 10, thanks to Delano's inability to remember his birth year. Old age makes you forgetful, I suppose. EJay is ecstatic, and you can't really blame him. I thought my life was radically changed the day I found a ten spot on the sidewalk. This kid blows my story away.
We now have nine out of our final ten, with the Wild Card being chosen on Wednesday, July 10. There's a lotta talent in this group, some girls that I would allow to date me and some other stuff too. Most of the guys are talented singers, but they don't seem like the toughest bunch I've seen. If I ever got in a bar fight, I wouldn't want any of the guys from the finals on my side. I'd end up with a pool cue wrapped around my head in about four seconds while those guys discussed this summer's hot new looks.
So until next time, all seven of my regular readers, be well.