The show this week is going to feature 50% more performers and 50% more minutes. So I've been doing 100% more laps in the pool to make sure my stamina is up to this massive and massively important task. On to the Wild Card recap!

So, you already know these people because you've turned them down once before, but like Darryl Strawberry, don't they deserve a second chance? Well, whether you think they do or not, they're getting one and maybe it's time you put that negativity in check, mister.

Standing on the dark, scary stage amidst swirling lights and Seacrest's frosty locks and a disembodied voice are the folks that got a last second call from the governor. Look! There's...that guy. And...that one girl...with the red hair. And that other person we liked so much. Ah, there are so many memories from their earlier performances. But what's this? A promise of a twist? No! I can't handle surprises! I need everything planned out well in advance!

Seacrest jaunts out to start the show, having planned well in advance to sport some scruff on tonight's show. Then he introduces the judges, including "His Royal Funkess," Randy. And now here are the Wild Cards. So everybody has been accounted for. Then Ryan breaks the news that only 8 of the assembled 12 will actually get a chance to sing tonight. Well, at least they got a second free trip to Los Angeles. At some point during the weekend rehearsal workshop – watched by the judges! – Randy takes off his glasses. He looks so different without them, it's like Clark Kent and Superman. Totally unrecognizable! Simon, shockingly, came away from the weekend disappointed by what he saw.

We're back and wondering which four of these amazingly wonderful, beautiful, special people are going home with their voice unstrained. Lisa Leuschner, your verdict is up first. She comes out and Randy tells her to am-skray. Matt Metzger, Paula is rendering your verdict. Which could be a good sign. Or a bad sign! No! A good sign! You're in. Marque Lynche walks out next. Here's something that will deflate that pose: you're going home.

Katie Webber, you have another chance. Katie celebrates like she just won the lottery. Or a new car. Some prize of a significant value. Whatever. You get the idea. Jennifer Hudson, you're fine. George Huff, the nicest man in the universe, you have to sit tight until after the break. George, being nice, just smiles. So nice!

So, George, you waited patiently and politely, maybe you'll get some good news as your reward. And he does. Elizabeth LeTendre, maybe you're nice too. I dunno. Anyway, Randy says yes. Elizabeth celebrates like Katie Webber. Maybe they should hug. Leah. You're young. And in. Quite a winning combo. Next up is JPL, representing the 68th Street...I don't know, something. The 68th Street People Who Are Still In! Tiara Purifoy, so yo, says Randy, so no. She thanks the judges. See, kids aren't all bad these days. It's down to Eric Yoder and Suzy Vulaca. The judges deliberate briefly until Simon tires of the mock suspense and dashes Eric's hopes.

Hey kids, now that we dumped that chaff, are you all ready to sing? Better make it count! JPL is going to kick things off tonight with that Elvis song that nobody heard until two years ago and then realized they totally loved it. By the way, you all should know that JPL can do the worm. And he's vowing some dancing, which, you know, could be a dangerous move. And there he goes! But the crowd loves his energy. Randy compliments his huaraches and his singing too. Paula got a chuckle out of it and Simon quietly bides his time until he can speak. Oh boy. Simon says that if JPL was dancing for tips, he'd be in a bad spot. To defend JPL, Paula compares him to Mick Jagger and Beck. We're off to a grand slam start!

Next up is Elizabeth LeTendre, who seems determined to slow things down after the madness that was Dancin' JPL. Elizabeth is going to let her voice do all of her dancing, which is a meaningful observation if you really, really think about it. The judges liked it okay. Following Elizabeth is Katie, who is wearing a spectacularly sparkly miniskirt. So will Katie pick up the torch for her blonde compatriot. Mmm, sorta. Judges? Randy's not buying it, Paula kept her receipt so she can return it and Simon, well, let's just say Simon got booed again. Hey, wait! Eric, Tiara, Lisa and Marque are in the audience?

The nicest guy in the world, wearing one of Seacrest's old shirts, starts his song very slowly and with a very wide mouth. But then he kicks it into funk mode! And the judges love it! Even Simon, who grudgingly admits that George is the nicest guy in the world.

We're back and Ryan introduces Suzy. Every time he says her last name, I think he's making fun of her. But no, that's how it actually goes. Suzy is going to sing "I Will Survive" tonight, which will be either a completely prophetic choice or a completely ironic choice. Either way, the sly remarks will be a'comin'. Like from Randy, who says, "Eh." And from Paula, who says, "Eh, you know." And from Simon, who says, "You know what? You will survive indeed."

Matthew Metzger, you sure smile a lot. And now it's your turn. Matthew vows to sing with more power tonight. And maybe he did. I don't really know how these things work. Randy tells Matt his song was pretty good. Except for that middle part. But Paula likes Matt! Matt says to Paula, "Awwww, I'm bashful." Simon can't figure out the one thing Matt is missing, so Matt helpfully offers it up. Confidence. I struggle with that at times, too. Until I remember that I'm awesome.

So, you know, we're back! And it's Leah Labelle's turn. Leah has a giant flower on half of her head. It's cute! Leah does her thing and does it well and the judges love it. Love it! Except for Simon, who isn't swept up in the Leah madness. Boooooooooo! Aw, boooooooo! Back in the lounge, Leah throws up her Idols-07 sign like 2Pac.

Lastly tonight, we have the very brightly-dressed Jennifer Hudson, who's crying like she's at a wedding. Jennifer has one-upped Leah tonight by going with the flower/headband double shot combo. And that's definitely the key, because Jennifer turns out quite a performance. Randy dubs it the best performance of the night, but possibly the worst outfit. Paula and Simon concur on both fronts.

So there's your Wild Card show. Um...it's over now. That is all.