Jaded's Recap: Two to Tango (and also to move on to the finals)

For a couple of weeks now, we've been seeing people get sent home. But tonight, they're being sent home from California, which means some people have a long, awkward flight ahead of them. "Would you like something to drink, ma'am?" (mumble.) "I'm sorry, would you like something to drink? "Leave me alone! I just got humiliated on national television! No amount of soda can ease that pain!" "Would you like some pretzels?"

In a bit of a change from last year, only two people will be voted on to the finals instead of three. Your votes are more important than ever! So please, don't drink and vote! Introvae dramatis kicks things off, as usual. "Last night, eight singers gave the performances of their lives." We start off tonight's show with drama! And dim lighting! I can't really make out who any of these people are. Didn't they tell us last night the new set had 120 spotlights? Maybe they're all in the back of the stage. Seacrest comes out wearing some sort of logo shirt and a zip vest with a square on it. I can't tell if I'm making fun of this or just reporting it as facts.

Let's meet the judges, shall we? Tonight, Simon is wearing a sweater with a V-neck down to his belt buckle. Revealing! But enough about that. The families are in the Red Room again, and again I'm not so sure about it. I hope Patrick makes it to the next round, or his pops might start dropping some Ls. And nobody wants to see that happen.

Now that all of the introductions have been smoothly handled, let's take a look at what happened last night. Julia is once again bestowed with the title of "Kim's rival." Man, they are really playing that angle up. And the girls are really playing it down. "No, no! We're nice! Please don't let this silly little spat influence your voting for us!"

And then we're invited inside the show viewing party that took place at J.D. Adams' place in Burbank. Hey, did you know he's related to a former U.S. President?! And apparently a lineage like that puts the world of consumer electronics in the palm of your hand, because the Adams have one big TV. During the get together, Kimberly cries at the amazing image of herself on TV. And J.D. mouths the words to his song along with his performance.

Now that the fun parts are over, Ryan is going to reveal this week's top three, which will be reduced to two.right after this! Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have given that away. Moving on. For those who may have forgotten who they voted for last night, Seacrest is going to sum up the judges' comments for each singer. Maybe that'll help jog your memory.

Trenyce, the judges all said you gave a great performance. You had a very good night. Except for the voting part. You're not in the top three. Patrick, you didn't have such a good night. Including the voting part. You're not moving on, and that polka dot tie can now move to the back of your closet.

Julia's turn. After Seacrest reads her name, she says, "Here we go." That's right! She's really on top of things! Julia's comments from the judges last night were okay. Just okay. Mine on her were hilarious, incidentally. Before hearing the result, Julia begins to wince like somebody's about to pop her in the nose. But she's moving on! Julia stands up, and she looks like she's either freezing or completely unsure where to go. Eventually, she finds her way.

After that was Bettis. In short, Bettis isn't in. Kim says, "We love you, Bettis." I assume that's mainly because he's not taking one of the precious top three spots. Next up is Kimberly. And Kim is in! Seacrest tells her to "hug your peeps." I really hope he was being sarcastic with that. He then tells Kimberly to go hug Julia, which I think is a terrific idea.

Meosha does not make it through, which means she's wasted two perfectly good hats on this show. Charles, the judges liked you last night. J.D., the judges sort of liked you last night. And we're all happy you've decided to join last night's openest shirt contest between Simon and Ryan. We'll find out who will take the final spot in the top three.after the break! Ha! Simon says, "I love it!" Me too. These breaks crack me up. I just wish they'd keep the audio live during the commercials so we could hear what's being said. "Oh, man. This is, like, so way intense. I really hope you make it." "Really? I hope you make it." "And if you don't make it, I hope I make it." "Friends for life, if you ask me."

I hope that when we get back from the break, Charles and J.D. are holding hands. Then, when they realize what they're doing, they quickly let go and move far away from each other. "Whoa! Whoa! We're cool!" To gain some perspective, Ryan asks Kimberly what she and Julia are thinking about right now. Kimberly replies that, "We're not thinking about ourselves. We're thinking about our friends we'll miss."

Oh! The results! I almost forgot. It's Charles! Kimberly runs over to Charles, hugs him and leads him by the hand to the chairs. Maybe she thought he couldn't find them on his own. "C'mon! I know where they are! I'm in one myself!"

The time comes for our first finalist. Charles! Good. I like him. And ignoring my Trenyce pick, my predictions are 1 for 1 this season! Kimberly bombards Charles with another hug, and it's possible that she's more excited than Charles himself right now. Then she congratulates America for their great voting.

Judges, what do you think? Well, all three of them think Kimberly is going to move on. Which can only mean one thing. Kimberly will be moving on. Unless it's somehow Julia. If Julia is going home, it's going to be a real shame, because I'm sure she had four more terrific hairstyles mapped out. And it's.Julia. During Julia's song, we get a great shot of Kimberly's disbelief at what's happening. She mouths the word, "But." and wipes away a tear. But.I was so cute! I hugged everybody!

Seacrest gives Kimberly the microphone to give us one last performance and she starts cranking out her number. But she needs her new seven best friends. "C'mon, you crazy kids! Get up here! I love you all!" The kids join in, and suddenly it's one big happy circle.

So there you have it. Our first eliminations of the season. Meosha goes home to organize her hat collection. Patrick goes home to hear his dad spend the next year complaining that Simon was wrong and, in fact, that was a great tie. J.D. goes home to begin preparations for Presidents' Day this Monday. And Kimberly Caldwell goes home to do her daily affirmations that one day she'll be famous, no matter what.