Jaded's Recap: Army of the Mediocre

by Jaded

6/25/2002

Last week, Jim went straight into the tank and ended up moving on. Bad is good is our lesson, then? Perhaps. The greater lesson may be that it's foolish to recap the episode with the idea of hinting at the winners. But we'll bravely forage on, like scientists studying the Antarctic shelf. Except we're in short sleeves and we won't die if we miscalculate. Onward, ho!

Starting the party right tonight is Alexis Lopez, blasting out a rendition of "I Will Survive". Doesn't seem like the right song to prove your pop chops. I'm half expecting her to be followed by a 45-year old man singing "Ob La Di, Ob La Dah", followed by three drunk college chicks performing a seemingly neverending hack job on "Love Shack". Alexis is only 17, and she's not afraid to show it off, so there's some points for her right there.

Angela Peel. Angela has a pretty decent look going. Tattoos, nose ring. These things have obviously crossed over into the coffee house mainstream. Her singing was okay and her lips were very shiny. These are a few of my favorite things.

Now we have Gil. Gil is nice. Seems like a good guy. Pretty good voice. However, Simon is spot on when he says he doesn't look like an AMERICAN IDOL. A collective tinge of guilt sweeps the audience. How could we be so shallow? Gil is great! Ten minutes later, we've all forgotten this and are discounting Gil. He'll be a nice something, someday.

Fans and foes alike have dubbed them "Miami Spice". I've tabbed them as "Enough of you two, already!" Tenia comes out and gets her song over in a hurry so she doesn't have to keep her prom date waiting much longer. None of the judges like her, but she takes exception to Simon, saying, "Let's hear you sing a note". Apparently she missed the memo that Simon is judging the competition, not in the competition. I think we've heard the last from Tenia.

Alexandra comes out, once again revealing her belly. Her singing borders on awful and she nearly quits halfway through. Aware that she's in the tank, she doesn't even fight the judges' critiques. She knows it's over. Before departing she tells the trio, "I may not be right for you, but I might be right for somebody else in the future." I really wanted Simon to reply, "I sure hope not."

Here comes Kelly. Whenever I look at Kelly, I think she should be behind a bar in Austin, slinging dollar Coronas and buffalo wings to college kids, all the while moaning about her live-in boyfriend of eight years who won't propose to her. Then she busts out some good karaoke on Tuesday night, aka $2 margarita night. But, she rips off a terrific rendition of "Respect" and has made a huge step toward moving on. She definitely separated herself from the crowd there.

Young girls love A.J. Gil. Why? We just don't know. At first maybe I thought A.J. missed a few spots when shaving, but then I realized he wanted it that way. His singing is flat and dull and he has all the life of a mannequin. Simon says he was very boring and he thinks that A.J. has blown it. History tells us that bad performance + panning from Simon = moving on. We'll see. On a side note, I wanted to make fun of A.J.'s sweater all night. Then I realized I had one just like it. So I starting asking people, "Isn't A.J.'s sweater really cool?"

For the '80s vibe of the night, Jamar belts out "Careless Whispers". And I mean belts out. Man, that was loud. Jamar reminded the nation of their first birthday party at the ice rink. And that's bound to garner him a few votes.

Every time I've seen Jazmin, she looks completely different. It's uncanny. She gives a fairly rousing performance, but fails to get any marks from the judges. Jazmin has never really stood out amongst her peers, and this was probably her farewell song.

And last we have Justin. What can be said that hasn't been already? Twice. He's good looking, has hair everybody would like to have and can sing. He's not egotistical and he knows he's silly sometimes when performing. He's absolutely Teflon when it comes to criticism. Dang it!

So another ten songs have come and gone. Justin has a reservation in the finals, but the other two seats are, once again up for grabs. We'll find out more Wednesday.